Empty Pews.

Beautiful flower arrangements were scattered around the casket.  A slideshow of old photos...memories playing on a screen.  Sad songs softly playing in the background.  By the third time the slideshow had played my tears had slowed down.

Between introductions to faces I had never seen before, I would sit down on the first pew in that small chapel.  Empty pews behind me.

This was just the viewing.  I didn't understand the point of a viewing.  It felt like two funerals to me.  One was hard enough.

I started focusing on the flowers and biting the inside of my lip to distract my mind.  For some reason this helps me.  My poor lip is finally starting to heal.

I was looking at the arrangement my mom and I had picked out just the day before.  It was beautiful.  Deep red and white flowers, with two ribbons on it.  One said Mom and the other Gran Gran.

I was trying to remember the name the sweet lady at the flower shop had called those pretty white flowers.  I had decided she called them snap dragons when I heard people walking in to the chapel.  As I turned around to look, the sight took my breath away.

There was my family.  About twenty or so of them.  They filled the whole aisle up waiting to hug my mom, dad, brother and me.  And not to just hug, but to huuuug us.  A "I love you and it will be ok and I'll help hold you up through this" hug.     

The next time I sat down in that first pew, the pews behind me were nearly full.  With a deep breath and a tear on my cheek, I could feel the support.  The love.  A deep comfort because I knew everything would be ok and it would get better.  I knew the next day would be hard, but I could get through it. And it wouldn't be so bad, because I had so many amazing people sitting behind me in those once empty pews.

(a postcard from PostSecret)