When Wallflowers Dance.

The title of the book caught my eye as I scanned the large bookshelf.  I didn't even pick up the book. I have no idea what it is about, but the title has lingered in my mind ever since.

When Wallflowers Dance. Such a beautiful and simple title.

~~~

I'm sitting here.  My hair twirled in to a bun, hoping maybe it will curl just right this time when I take it down...doubtful.  And my bangs are falling too close to my green eyes.  I really should write hair cut on my to do list.

But oh this last week was long.  There was no time to think about hair cuts.  It was good, hard, emotional, long, and one big blur mostly.  

My birthday was Monday.  It was fabulous and celebrated the whole weekend, as all birthdays should be celebrated.  Thanksgiving was Thursday.  That was always my grandmother's favorite holiday.  And of course, black friday.  Mine and my mother's favorite holiday. :)

Since Thanksgiving was just a few days ago, I feel I should post a few things that I'm thankful for:

*Family who drive an hour and half away for my birthday lunch. And them declaring we should do it every year.

*Ninfaritas. 

*Laughing so you don't cry.

*Driving home late at night and smiling when you pass that park because it takes you back to that day better than a time machine.  

*Shopping at 3am.

*2.5 hour lunches.

*Friends who open up the car door, turn up the radio, and dance with me on the 7th floor roof of the parking garage in the middle of downtown all because the band was horrible on my birthday night.

*Wallflowers dancing.

~~~

<3 

PS...A sneak peek of my new website :)

Empty Pews.

Beautiful flower arrangements were scattered around the casket.  A slideshow of old photos...memories playing on a screen.  Sad songs softly playing in the background.  By the third time the slideshow had played my tears had slowed down.

Between introductions to faces I had never seen before, I would sit down on the first pew in that small chapel.  Empty pews behind me.

This was just the viewing.  I didn't understand the point of a viewing.  It felt like two funerals to me.  One was hard enough.

I started focusing on the flowers and biting the inside of my lip to distract my mind.  For some reason this helps me.  My poor lip is finally starting to heal.

I was looking at the arrangement my mom and I had picked out just the day before.  It was beautiful.  Deep red and white flowers, with two ribbons on it.  One said Mom and the other Gran Gran.

I was trying to remember the name the sweet lady at the flower shop had called those pretty white flowers.  I had decided she called them snap dragons when I heard people walking in to the chapel.  As I turned around to look, the sight took my breath away.

There was my family.  About twenty or so of them.  They filled the whole aisle up waiting to hug my mom, dad, brother and me.  And not to just hug, but to huuuug us.  A "I love you and it will be ok and I'll help hold you up through this" hug.     

The next time I sat down in that first pew, the pews behind me were nearly full.  With a deep breath and a tear on my cheek, I could feel the support.  The love.  A deep comfort because I knew everything would be ok and it would get better.  I knew the next day would be hard, but I could get through it. And it wouldn't be so bad, because I had so many amazing people sitting behind me in those once empty pews.

(a postcard from PostSecret)

Old Photographs

Photographs are not fully appreciated until photographs are all you have left.

My grandmother passed away over the weekend.

Stop what you're doing and pull out that box of old photographs.  Have a few laughs while you look at them.  And print some new photos to add to it.  Trust me, it's important.      

The Edge.

I paused.

I knew I was at a crossroads.  I clearly saw the two paths ahead of me.  And I knew which one was the right one.  But I paused for just a few seconds.

In an instant I could see what my life would be like if I had picked one path.  It looked nice.  Good.  Stable.  It would have been the easy decision.  Comfortable and safe.  Very safe.  

The other path was full of uncertainty and unknown.  I couldn't even imagine what my life would look like.  This path might as well have been on the edge of a cliff.  

I could guess the consequences of each path. And I knew the right decision.

In my heart, I knew.  It was so clear.  But I paused.

Many people in my shoes would have picked the wrong decision.  I couldn't have blamed them.  A part of me yearned for the wrong decision.

It would have been so easy.

The Knot...No, THE Knot.

So here are the rules to this game:

1. The event/class/party can't cost me anything.  Whether it is a free event or I have to volunteer at the event, it can't cost me a dime.

2. It must give me an opportunity to make connections and pass out business cards.

....This is harder than you'd think.  However, I already have an event on my calendar that is sure to be fabulous! 

I recently received an email from The Knot (Yeah! THE Knot! That HUGE wedding magazine!) inviting me to a networking bash they are having at The Omni Hotel in Fort Worth (Yeah! THE Omni! Like my favorite hotel!).

People. To say I'm excited about this one. Well, that would be an understatement.

Holy cow!!!  And not only is the event going to be awesome, I have 2 amazing ladies coming with me, who I'm lucky enough to call my friends.  One of them you might know, my oh so fabulous second shooter!  And the other is an amazing up incoming wedding planner!  

Can't wait!!

I have a few other classes I'm considering, but if you have any ideas or suggestions please send me an email at Brittney@BrittneyAnn.com or leave a quick comment.

And since a post is always better with a photo, here is another on from a wedding for Hannah Michele Photography

Operation: Hear Me Roar

Aren't they suppose to send you a rejection letter?  I'd be fine with a standard letter saying thanks for applying, but we don't want you.  But not even acknowledging me?  Not cool.  At all.

I'm not the kind of girl who is cool with being ignored.  No, I'm the "Why hello! Hear me roar!" kind of girl.  I fight for what I want.

So I asked myself why I wasn't fighting for these jobs.  The jobs I should get because business is slow.  The jobs that would be amazing because it was a stable income.

But it wasn't until tonight that I asked myself why I wasn't fighting for my business.

Somewhere in the craziness of life, I think I forgot.  Forgot that I'm not powerless because there isn't enough in my bank account.  I'm not powerless because the economy sucks.

On the contrary, I'm the only person in the world who can make this business work.  And I refuse to let excuses get in my way.  It simply means I'll have to get more creative.  It's nothing more than a challenge.  And I can handle a challenge.  Challenges are nothing more than puzzles and I can figure out puzzles!  

I have dreams and I'm too young and stubborn to let a stupid thing like the economy get in my way.  I refuse to be held back by such a stupid excuse.  I want to be able to live off of my photography business.  And I want to start a non profit business.  And at least 2 more for profit businesses.

But for now, my goal is to be able to live off of my photography business by this time next year.  Yes, let's just start there.        

So my first plan of action for Operation: Hear Me Roar will be to network like crazy.  I'm looking for groups, monthly meetings, and networking parties!  I love meeting people and hearing their stories.  And basically the only expenses are business cards.  I can afford business cards. :)

Worth remembering.

A deep breath and I remind myself to remember this.  Remember how this feels.  Right now.  This is worth remembering.

~~~~~  

I was always the one that was different.

Never quite fit in.

I was homeschooled growing up and I loved it.  But to my friends growing up, I was different.

I was the back-up friend.  They only had time for me when they made the rest of their friends mad.  Always last in line, never worthy in their eyes to be at the top of the list.  So many tears wasted on them.

I would suggest something, but my opinion never mattered to them.  I never got a vote.  I was homeschooled.

Therefore I was different.

Wild parties and drugs never mattered to me.  I never saw the appeal of getting drunk.  I still don't.  I've never felt the need to act like a complete idiot in public or give a beverage such control over me.  But I obviously just didn't know how to have fun.  

It never really bothered me, but I knew what they thought.

They figured I would be screwed up.

How could I possibly handle going to a large public college when I'd never been in a real classroom?  And really, photography? What a stupid dream.  I bet she changes her mind in a few weeks.

They bet I would be socially awkward.  They bet I would never be able to make friends.  They were so sure I would be the lonely wall flower in that dark corner of the room.

~~~~~

I'm a few weeks away from my 22nd birthday.  And I can honestly say, "Hell yeah. I turned out different."  I thank God for it everyday of my life.

I thank God I have parents who told me when I was little that I could be anything I wanted to be.  And more importantly, I thank God they never stopped telling me.

They taught me how to fight for what I want.  They taught me how to work and work hard.  They taught me how to find information when it's not handed to me on a silver platter.  

They taught me impossible is nothing more than a challenge.

And this so called wall flower, well she can walk into a room full of strangers and walk out with friends.

And the girl who would never have any friends, has real friends now.  Amazing friends.  Who stand by me and support me.  I'm no longer the "back-up" friend.  They listen to me and my opinions.  And we can go out and have fun without being so drunk we can't find the car.  

So to everyone who doubted me.  To everyone who thought I would turn out so strange.  To everyone who never cared to listen to my opinion...

~~~~~

A deep breath and I remind myself to remember this.  Remember how this feels.  Right now.  Because this... this moment in time...


This is worth remembering.

(a photo from a recent wedding with Hannah Michele Photography)